When It's Time to Let Go:Moving on Tips
Ever been in an unhealthy relationship? You knew it wasn’t good for you, but still didn’t want to let go. Your mind told you to go, but your heart told you to stay. It can be hard to tell when to let go and move on from someone or something. This idea is especially true if you have invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship or experience. moving on tips
Think of a relationship that ended. Possibly you loved this person but eventually felt stuck in the situation. You get so caught up in what you think is right for you, and yet get intimidated by the possible change. Apparently you fail to see the advantage of moving on from your situation. It can be scary to let go and put yourself first, but it is definitely worth it!
This article will go over reasons why it is hard to let go, ways to move on, and inspiration to put yourself first! You deserve to live a happier, healthier life! No one in your life should make you feel terrible every day, and you shouldn’t be in a situation that makes you feel that way either.
Why it’s Challenging to Move On
1. Emotional Attachment Makes it Hard to Let Go
One of the main reasons it is hard to move on is our emotional attachment. Think of someone that you loved but was unhealthy for you. You both may have gotten along at one point but eventually realized that it wouldn’t work out. There may have been a lot of arguments or disagreements. You may have been unhappy for a while but didn’t want to say anything – you feared hurting the other person. It can be tough to let go when you still love somebody. Feelings don’t go away overnight. Remember that you can still love someone even if you let them go. Sometimes, the act of letting someone go is an ultimate sign of love.
You may be thinking, “How could giving up on someone mean I love them?” Love is about putting the person’s needs first. When you love someone else, you can see that a situation is not good for them, and you try to help them leave that scenario. When you love yourself, you do the same! By loving yourself, you allow yourself to prioritize your needs in life and your well-being – this can mean walking away from something that is no longer serving you.
2. Time Invested
You may feel like it is hard to move on and let go because of the time you’ve invested. For example, you may be studying for a degree in college that you absolutely hate! You entered the major because of your parents’ or other people’s desires for you. The major you have drains you and makes you feel terrible about yourself.
Even though you’re unhappy, you have already spent a lot of money and time invested in this education. Despite your unsettling feelings, you feel obligated to stay in school. This idea could also be true for people in jobs they hate.
Burnout is real! Many people feel burnt out from their jobs and miserable in their lives. They feel like they are afraid to leave because they’ve been with this company for a while. One reason people feel burnt out is that they do not feel appreciated at work. You may have put your all into a company that gives you nothing back.
People may also feel this way in marriage. A marriage is a lot of work, and it can take much energy out of the couple. You may have put a lot of work into saving your marriage (couple’s counseling, long talks, being vulnerable with each other, etc.) and don’t want to give it up.
This all can be attributed to, what experts call, the Sunken Cost Fallacy – the idea that someone continues doing something just because of the time invested in it. The person may realize they would be better off without this relationship or situation, but feels like all their work would go to waste if they let go.
3. Other People’s Perceptions
As touched on before, you may be doing something in your life because of other people’s expectations of you. You may be unhappy in studying your major, in your marriage, or at your job – you don’t want to leave and let go because of other people’s opinions. You may fear what people will say if you get a divorce or quit. Although we want to believe that other people’s opinions don’t affect us, they often do.
Studies show the kids as young as middle schoolers can feel negative effects from the stress their parents put on their education. You may have been trying to seek your parents’ approval since you were a youth. We all feel pressure to impress people and make others proud. But, many times, we fail to focus on what makes us proud and happy.
Ask yourself: What would you do in life if no one else’s opinion mattered?
4. Responsibilities
You may find it hard to move on from something that makes you unhappy because you have obligations. Many people may hate their job but can’t quit because they have a family to support or a lifestyle to maintain. “I’ll just quit and move on” is easier said than done. People who have responsibilities know that balancing your personal desires with your duties/needs in life can be challenging. There are obligations that can stop us from moving on from a difficult situation.
How to Let Go and Move On:
1. Build Up Your Self-Esteem
As mentioned before, a big reason why people can’t move on is because of other people’s expectations of them. They are afraid of letting go of the thing that people appreciate them for, like their “happy” marriage or high-paying job. A big moving on tipsis to improve your self-esteem! When you build up your self-esteem, you can value yourself and what you want in life more.
Building your self-esteem helps you feel good about yourself and honor your opinion more than anyone else’s. When you recognize something isn’t serving you anymore or makes you unhappy, your self-esteem can help you realize your worth and prioritize what is best for you.
2. Live Your Life for You
As much as we want to make other people happy, it is not always possible! The pursuit of making others happy often ends up making us miserable. At the end of the day, tell yourself that you will live your life for you. Your life is yours! You only have one life to live, so you should fill it with things that make you happy and experiences that fulfill you.
3. Evaluate Your Relationships/Friendships
It can be hard to know when to leave a relationship and move on. As mentioned before, you can be emotionally invested in someone and care about them a lot even though their relationship is toxic. People often don’t want to leave an unhealthy situation because they love the other person. As much as you want to make the other person happy and be committed to them…what about you? What do you want in life? Your wants and desires matter and should be valued!
Another important moving on tips is to reflect and asses. Sometimes we have to take a step back and realize that the relationship or friendship may not be working anymore despite our love for someone. Here are some ways to tell that the relationship/friendship is not working anymore:
- You constantly argue and are angry (especially over the same topics over and over again)
- You don’t feel happy or fulfilled by being in the person’s life
- This relationship is not elevating either person, helping them grow, or making them feel satisfied
- Daydreams constantly fill your mind about what else is out there
- The relationship is dangerous or unhealthy
- People in your life who you trust are telling you that you should leave
4. Change What You Can, When You Can
People have responsibilities at the end of the day. As much as you’d love to quit your job and do what you’re passionate about, that might not always be possible. If this is the case, try to make your life feel fulfilled in different ways. For example, if you face job burnout, try and establish a better work-life balance. This means turning off your work emails on the weekends, spending time with loved ones, etc. Read this article to learn more.
Try looking for a new job when you can. If a better position becomes available for you, remember that you are worth the change! Try applying and see what happens! You deserve to live a happier and healthier life.
5. Learn & Let Go
One more of our moving on tips: embrace then release. Even though it is diffiult to move on from a friendship/relationship, it can be necessary. It can be hard to leave a person or situation that you love. You think about all the memories, the past, and focus on the nostalgia of it all.
Embrace the past, learn from the lessons, and keep moving forward. The past is the past, and most things come to an end eventually. You cannot stay in a situation just because of good memories from the past.
Often, we focus on the memories and forget about the present situation. For example, you may be in a friendship with many amazing moments and memories together, but currently you don’t feel that connected anymore. It’s okay to appreciate what the person has given you while also recognizing that it’s time to move on. Release yourself from being trapped by the memories of the past. Remind yourself of what they truly are – just memories, not reality anymore.
Be honest with yourself: what is the present like with this person? How are things going currently? If it’s no longer healthy, it is time to move on.
Moving On Tips for a Relationship:
Stop looking at their social media
- Even though you are trying to move on, you may catch yourself checking up on the person’s social media profiles.
- If this constant checking is bringing you stress or sadness, try to stop looking on these profiles – block or mute the person if you have to
- Delete or archive pictures of you and this person if you keep looking at them too
Be thankful for the memories but be excited about the future
- Embrace what you’ve learned from this person and all you have gone through. If there is nothing good to look back on, remind yourself that you deserve so much better! Try and look towards the future and be hopeful for all that is waiting for you!
Give yourself time to heal
- You may need time to heal from the situation. Take as much time as you need! Your healing process is entirely up to you! Start dating or seeing other people when and if you feel ready.
Take space from this person
- There are times when relationships end, but you happen to run in the same circles or have the same friends. This might cause you to see this person often. Know that it’s okay to take time away if you need to. Even if you want to be friends with your ex-partner, give yourself room to breathe if you feel like it’s too soon.
Indulge in Self-Care
- Breakups or moving on can be stressful! Take time to nurture yourself – body and mind. For more tips on de-stressing, check out our article here.
Don’t Feel Guilty
- You may feel guilty for moving on from someone. Remember that even though you care about the person, there is no need to feel guilt for prioritizing yourself.
Embrace Support
- Allow yourself to feel supported by your loved ones. Open up to them and allow them to comfort you and help you through
Moving On Tips for a Friendship:
- Validate your feelings
- People often fail to see how much friendship breakups truly can hurt (sometimes seemingly more than romantic relationships). Validate your feelings and know that it is okay to need time to grieve or heal from the situation
- Since a friend breakup can hurt just as much as a romantic one, follow all the moving on tips above – you will be able to relate to most of them!
Therapy Options & Resources
If you want help on your healing and journey of moving on, Mind Connections wants to help you! Our therapists can help you build self-esteem, deal with any stage of your relationship, and help you cope with any stress or difficulties you might be facing during this time.
If you are in an abusive situation, know that help is out there! Here are some links provided by the NCADV:
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
www.ndvh.org - National Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org - National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
www.rainn.org - New York State Coalition Against Domestic Violence 1-866-604-5350
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June