Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself
- Have you been hard on yourself and overly critical of yourself?
- Do you struggle with self-kindness?
- Are you looking for ways to improve your well-being and increase your self-compassion?
If so, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle with being kind and compassionate to ourselves, especially in today’s fast-paced and demanding world. It is crucial to learn practical ways to be kinder to yourself and improve your self-compassion.
Why Are We Unkind to Ourselves?
External Factors
You may wonder why you are not kind to yourself; this can happen for many reasons, but one of the major ones could be low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem often don’t think highly of themselves.
People with low self-esteem often look down on themselves, criticize who they are, and don’t have the confidence to stand up for themselves or set boundaries with others. Some people may have grown up in dysfunctional households where parents constantly put them down or abused them; this contributed to their low self-worth and self-esteem. They may wonder why their parents will show them the care they deserve and if they really deserve it all. The answer is “yes,” they do! We all deserve love and affection, and should not be something that needs to be earned.
Other people may have low self-esteem from other external factors like bullying or the lack of appreciation from others. Many bullied children may find that their confidence can go way down. Bullies often target people who may appear different and stand out. Instead of embracing who they uniquely are. These people may feel the need to make themselves seem smaller or not noticeable; they are hiding who they truly are and fear the opinions of other people!
Internal Factors
Low self-esteem may also come from internal factors like the need people-please or be perfect. Many times people who are a perfectionist or people pleaser struggle with low self-esteem. Perfectionists can struggle with low self-esteem; many perfectionists seem to have their lives together and are thriving when they really are struggling.
Many perfectionists base their worth on other people’s approval. For example, when they do well in school, they get confidence from the people who applaud them or their medals. If they don’t receive affection, it may be a detriment to their confidence and self-esteem. People-pleasers often struggle with finding words and other people as well. They don’t value their opinions or ideas and put others before themselves.
How to be Kinder to Yourself
1, Have More Self-Compassion
Stop with the harmful words about yourself and have more compassion for yourself; it only brings you down and criticizes the person who needs your support the most- YOURSELF. Being kind to yourself means treating yourself with more respect and care.
As mentioned in our past article, Self-compassion allows us to accept who we are, forgive ourselves, and support ourselves when we mess up. Think of the compassion and care you show your best friend. You should also show this compassion to yourself in times of defeat or sadness!
Ways to Improve Self-Compassion
- Writing yourself a self-compassion letter
- Write a letter that expresses how proud you are of yourself. In the letter, include motivational quotes, phrases, people, etc. Basically, use anything that will give you inspiration and comfort when dealing with challenging experiences in life
- Let go of the past and make room for the future
- We are often harder on ourselves than anyone else in our lives. In times of failure, remember to be gentle with yourself. It is okay to make mistakes – these scenarios help us learn and grow. Think about what went wrong, apologize for your faults, and make an intention to change for the better. Eventually, you must let go of the weight of the past and make room for healing in the future.
- Cut out certain phrases from your vocabulary
- For example, stop saying, “I hate ___ about myself
2, Take Time for Self-Care
Self-care is crucial for our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or a relaxing hobby.
Prioritize Self-Love
Treat yourself with the same kindness and love that you would show to a friend. Some self-love tips could include, set self-love routines, give yourself permission to rest, take breaks, and indulge in self-care activities that bring you joy and happiness.
Treat Your Body Right
One way to be kind to yourself is to treat your body right; this means taking care of your needs mentally and physically.
- Practice body-acceptance
- Prioritize sleep and get enough rest to recharge your body for the next day
- Drink enough water and try to fill your body with nutritious and energizing food
- Wear clothes that make you feel comfortable and keep your body safe and protected
- Meditation and mindfulness practices
- Meditation has been found to help people destress and feel happier in their lives. Mindfulness practices can help you center your cells and find peace in the present moment. Both of these practices can help you lower stressors in your life and find more happiness in your day, and then your body
3, Be Kinder to Yourself – Stop the Comparisons
One way to be kinder to yourself is to stop comparing yourself to others. When you compare yourself to others, you miss out on the joys of being you. If social media makes you feel better yourself, cut down on some of your screen time.
Start using social media as a tool to connect with meaningful things rather than tear yourself down. Unfollow people who make you feel bad about yourself, lessen your screen time, unplug and go on the rest of the world, follow people that inspire you, etc.
4, Build Your Self-Esteem
As mentioned before, low self-esteem can be a big reason you struggle with being kind to yourself. Building self-esteem is important because you deserve to find worth in yourself. When you have worth, you will see that you deserve respect and kindness just like anyone else. In fact, you can practice improving self-esteem through self-compassion.
Ways to Build Self-Esteem
- Cutting the negative self-talk and comparisons. Negative self-talk can be damaging to our self-esteem and mental health.
- Speaking positive affirmations to yourself. Focusing on positive self-talk means making an effort to replace negative thoughts with more supportive ones. For example, instead of saying “I’m so stupid” after making a mistake, try saying “Everyone makes mistakes, I’ll do better next time.”
- Wearing clothes that make you feel confident hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself and don’t tear you down
- Prioritizing your needs or setting boundaries with people
- Listening to your inner voice and honoring it
5, Set Realistic and Achievable Goals
Setting unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. Instead, try setting achievable goals that are in line with your current abilities and resources. Celebrate small victories and be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished, no matter how small. In other words, realistic goal setting helps to pave the way to success, and hence being kinder to yourself by celebrating or acknowledging it.
6, Surround Yourself with Positive People
Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can have a profound impact on your well-being and self-compassion. Positive relationships provide a sense of connection, belonging, and security, which can enhance your mental health and boost your self-esteem. On the other hand, toxic and negative relationships can drain your energy and undermine your confidence, making it more difficult to be kind and compassionate to yourself. Seek out friends and family members who uplift and encourage you, and limit time spent with those who bring you down. Therefore, seeking support for self-kindness is essential in life in general.
7, Being Kinder to Yourself Means Forgiving Yourself
Forgiving yourself can be a difficult, but essential, aspect of self-compassion. We all make mistakes, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling guilty, ashamed, or overwhelmed by past failures. However, holding onto these negative feelings can prevent you from moving forward and can hinder your ability to be kind to yourself.
Tips for Forgiving yourself
A). Acknowledge your feelings: Recognize and accept the feelings of guilt, shame, or frustration that you may be experiencing. Allow yourself to feel and express these emotions in a healthy way.
B). Reframe your thinking: Instead of focusing on what you did wrong, try to reframe your thoughts and focus on what you learned from the experience and what you can do differently in the future.
C). Move forward: Let go of the past and focus on the present moment. Make a commitment to be kind and compassionate to yourself, and to make positive choices in the future.
When you can practice letting go of self-criticism, you actually establish a positive relationship with yourself, that is, being kinder to yourself.
8, Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions
Emotions, both positive and negative, are a natural part of life. Allow yourself to experience and accept your emotions without judgment or criticism. Try to understand and respond to your emotional needs in a caring and supportive way. That is, emotional acceptance is an important way to be kinder to yourself.
Tips for Acknowledging and Accepting your Emotions:
A). Practice mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment. Allow yourself to experience your emotions without judgment.
B). Identify and label your emotions: Give words to your emotions, such as “I’m feeling sad” or “I’m feeling anxious”. This will help you understand and process your emotions more effectively.
C). Validate your emotions: Recognize that your emotions are valid and worthy of attention, even if they are difficult or uncomfortable. Avoid dismissive self-talk like “I shouldn’t feel this way” or “This is silly”.
D). Allow yourself to feel: Give yourself permission to experience your emotions fully, without trying to suppress or ignore them. This can help you process your emotions more effectively and increase your emotional intelligence.
9, Try Therapy in 2023
Therapy can help you with all the things listed above in the new year. A therapist can help you build self-esteem and confidence in yourself. You can also help yourself set boundaries with other people and find worth in yourself; this can help you look at the root of why you are kind to yourself and help you heal what’s inside of you.
Feeling here in a child can help you, especially if you struggle with the side effects of growing up with a dysfunctional family or a family that wasn’t nice to you. Just because these people didn’t treat you right doesn’t mean that you could be kind to yourself and your inner child is he in. The new year is all about growth!
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao