Do you ask yourself, “Why do I compare myself to others?”
Is it hard for you to see other people achieve things and not feel bad about yourself?
Do you want to find ways stop comparing yourself to others and manage stress?
If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, this article is for you! As Theodore Roosevelt once said,” Comparison is the thief of joy.” When you compare yourself to others, you miss out on all the special things that make us who you are. Comparing yourself to others is also futile because we all are on different journeys in life. Each person will have their own share of ups and downs; when someone else is thriving, you may feel like you are standing idle. Your life is progressing in its own perfect timing and plan – don’t fret over the speed of someone else’s journey!
If you want to understand why you may compare yourself to others and ways to stop doing so, keep reading.
Why do you Keep Comparing Yourself to Others?
1. Celebrity Culture and the Media
When we don’t feel secure in who we are, it can be challenging not to compare ourselves to others. We all imagine what our future life will be like from time to time. As a kid, you probably dreamed of a life involving your future career, relationships, accomplishments, and more! As you got older, you started to realize that the timeline you once made while you were hugging your stuffed animal didn’t exactly come to fruition.
As a child, you may have also had posters all over your room. These pages were ripped out of magazines and depicted all different types of celebrities. Looking up at your wall, you compared yourself to the person staring back at you. For example, you looked at models posed in a photoshoot and compared every part of your body to their perfect, airbrushed, and edited image. As time progressed, the photos of celebrities you saw in magazines infiltrated your phone when you signed up for social media platforms. This study found that, for female adolescents, comparison to celebrities was associated with body image dissatisfaction.
Ask yourself: “Have I ever…?”
Compared myself to a celebrity?
Felt bad about my body after seeing a photo of an influencer or celebrity?
Compared my life accomplishments with those of a celebrity or star my age?
2. Social Media and Low-Self Esteem
As discussed in the previous section, social media use can affect how you look at yourself. You may find you can’t stop comparing yourself to others, particularly their “glamorous life” people posted on social media. The constant scrolling we do has more of an effect on us than we would think.
Have you ever felt bad about your current job (or lack of one)? You keep applying to jobs on LinkedIn and are often active on this platform. At a certain point, you told yourself you couldn’t scroll on your feed anymore because it was only flooded with posts about people getting new positions and awards. As happy as you are for your past colleagues or classmates, you can’t help but feel like they are doing so much better than you in life. Unfortunately, the idea that others are excelling more than you is not just prompted by social media; it can be present in your life outside of these platforms, as well.
3. Real-Life Comparison and Struggles In Our Path
When you were crafting your life’s timeline as a kid, it may have sounded something like this.
I will:
Graduate school at X years old
Land my dream job by age X
Enter a serious relationship at X years old
Get engaged and married by age X
Have kids by the age of X
While crafting this master plan, you didn’t account for the obstacles or changes you might encounter on your path. Most of the time, very few things go according to our plan. It can be challenging to deal with the disappointment of losing or changing a dream. It can be even more difficult to deal with this loss while seeing other people achieving and thriving in life.
For example, you may feel lonely and in need of a long-term relationship. While feeling down, your cousin just called you to tell you she is getting married! As you stand in the line of bridesmaids on her wedding day, you display a big smile for your cousin on her big day. What she doesn’t see is the worrying thoughts you are hiding internally about your impending future. You ask yourself, “When will I finally have what she has?” Consequently, you keep comparing yourself to others on so many aspects in life.
As kids, we dream about what our lives could look like!
4. Comparisons in Families
Unfortunately, many parents compare siblings against each other. These comparisons cause problems within the children’s view of themselves and affect their relationships with each other. As mentioned in, “The Effects of Comparing Siblings,” comparison amongst siblings can cause children to develop unhealthy sibling relationships, rebellious tendencies, and damaged self-esteem. As a result, you keep comparing yourself to others after you left your family.
After asking,”Why do I compare myself to others?” ask yourself the following question. Have you experienced comparison in your family? Have your parents or family elders ever:
Said, “You should try to be more like (certain family member).”
Encouraged you to follow in your sibling’s footsteps
Glossed over or forgot about your accomplishments because they were too busy praising your sibling
Made you feel like they weren’t proud of you or would be more impressed if you were like your sibling
Put you down or made your accomplishments seem insignificant
This constant pressure and comparison can cause children to feel bad about themselves. Some kids might grow up feeling like they will always be less remarkable than their siblings. These negative emotions may cause problems for them throughout life and lower their self-esteem.
Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
If you find yourself wondering, “Why do I compare myself to others?” know you are not alone! Many people struggle with comparison in their lives – luckily, there are ways to stop this habit from happening as much. Here are some tips to stop comparing yourself to others off and online:
1. Alter Your Online Habits to Stop Comparing yourself to others
If social media makes you feel bad about yourself and causes much self-comparison, you need to alter your online habits. Limit your social media use when you already feel down about yourself – this can prevent you from using online comparisons to make yourself feel worse.
Remember that unfollowing or muting someone for your mental health is not mean. Sometimes, certain people’s accounts make us feel terrible about ourselves. Maybe they have a job you desire or are engaged and keep posting photos from their couple’s photoshoot. If it is too much for you to handle, consider muting their profile until you feel better.
Furthermore, follow accounts that make you feel good about yourself. Interact with accounts that share inspirational quotes or relatable videos/reels. Follow fewer celebrities you can’t relate to and look at accounts of people who make you feel happy and secure.
2. Embrace and Understand Your Emotions
Every time you compare yourself to others, you may feel wrong about having these emotions. Comparison can cause someone to feel bad about themselves or jealous of others. Even though these emotions can be challenging to deal with, we need to realize that they are part of everyone’s life at one point or another. We all feel jealous from time to time.
Don’t villainize yourself for having these emotions; many times, jealousy stems from our own insecurities. It doesn’t mean that we are bad people or have any malicious intent. This all just means that were are simply human!
3. Use Self-Love and Compassion Practices
We often compare ourselves to others because we don’t appreciate who we are. We miss out on what makes us unique and special because we are too busy looking at what others have. When we can feel self-love and compassion, it helps us look within ourselves for validation rather than the outside world.
Improving your self-love can help you see the true value and worth you possess! Self-love allows us to appreciate who we are and acknowledge the fantastic qualities that live in us. When we love ourselves, we are able to put our needs first and do things that will benefit our overall well-being.
Improve your self-love by:
Repeating positive affirmations like:
I am: loved, appreciated, enough, not defined by my mistakes, worthy of being treated with respect, honoring my boundaries, happy and safe in life
Lessening your self-criticism
Being self-aware is essential. Self-awareness allows us to look at our lives and identify areas to improve and be better in. However, constant self-criticism and nitpicking can negatively impact how we look at ourselves. If we constantly put ourselves down and focus on our faults, we neglect to celebrate the positive and inspiring qualities we possess
Practicing gratitude
Gratitude helps us appreciate who we are and the things we have in our lives. Show appreciation for yourself! Make a list of things you love about yourself and parts of yourself that you are proud of. Also, make a list of the people and experiences in life you are grateful for
Self-compassion allows us to accept who we are, forgive ourselves, and support ourselves when we mess up. Think of the compassion and care you show your best friend. You should also show this compassion to yourself in times of defeat or sadness!
Improve self-compassion by:
Writing yourself a self-compassion letter
Write a letter that expresses how proud you are of yourself. In the letter, include motivational quotes, phrases, people, etc. Basically, use anything that will give you inspiration and comfort when dealing with challenging experiences in life
Let go of the past and make room for the future
We are often harder on ourselves than anyone else in our lives. In times of failure, remember to be gentle with yourself. It is okay to make mistakes – these scenarios help us learn and grow. Think about what went wrong, apologize for your faults, and make an intention to change for the better. Eventually, you must let go of the weight of the past and make room for healing in the future.
4. Accept Where You Are in Life
Accepting where we are in life can help us stop comparing ourselves to others. By doing so, we can see that we are exactly where we are meant to be in this moment in time. Remember that you will never miss out on what is meant for you in your life!
It can be hard to fully accept our lives and what stage we are currently in. You may dream of achieving so much and feel sad that you have not reached certain milestones yet (this is a common dilemma found in people in their twenties).
In these times of fear and disappointment, remind yourself that:
Life is not a race! You are moving at your own pace, and that is more than okay
Just because someone achieved something before you doesn’t mean you can’t gain this achievement eventually
Your hard work and dedication matter (even if no one can see it but you)
You are worth so much more than your accomplishments, trophies, or awards
Don’t rush your journey- you will miss out on all the special, little moments that make life great
5. Set Boundaries and Stand Up for Yourself
This section is especially important if you relate to the part of this article that mentioned comparisons made by parents and family members. No one should make you feel like you are not good enough or your accomplishments don’t matter. As kids, we don’t have much control over our lives when these instances happen. If you lived in a house where your parents constantly made you feel lesser than your siblings, it probably felt like sometimes all you could do was attempt to tune them out.
As you get older, you start gaining more autonomy over your life. You can set up boundaries with certain family members and friends. Suppose you feel like your family members still don’t respect your boundaries or constantly make you feel like you are not achieving enough compared to others. In that case, it is okay to reevaluate how much you wish to share with these people moving forward. You have a right to your privacy and ability to focus on what makes YOU feel supported and happy in life.
6. Turn to Chosen Families
Also, remember that chosen families exist. Chosen families are people who may not be blood-related to you but make up your support group in life. These friends provide the love and support that some people might not receive from their own families. Surround yourself with people who love you and remind you of your worth! More about chosen families can be found in the article linked here!
7. Consider Therapy
If you want help ending your comparison habits, therapy can help! A therapist can help you find the self-worth, love, and compassion you are longing for. Therapy can assist you in challenging negative thoughts and low self-esteem – it gives you the tools needed to live a more fulfilled and confident life.
Our team at Mind Connections would love to help you achieve these goals! We also provide coaching. This coaching helps people identify their aspirations, make plans to achieve success, and motivate them to be the best version of themselves. When you can focus on yourself and build up your own self-esteem, your comparisons will start fading away!
