Spotting Online Dating Red Flags
As you probably know, online dating is the new norm in society. In 2021, over 30 million people were found using dating apps. We live in a digital age where a swipe of a finger can be the catalyst for an entire relationship. Dating culture has changed drastically from the generations before us. People would meet at a variety of places like social gatherings, the mall, etc . One person would approach the other and set up a time and date to go out. It seems like approaching someone and asking them out in person is a foreign concept nowadays. This scenario is not impossible by any means, but it seems less likely the more and more we rely on our digital devices. This article will discuss the process of digital dating, concerns, online dating red flags, and tips for safety.
The Online Dating Process
Dating apps are newer concepts for many people. Dating websites or apps are relatively new to our society and have only developed in the past few decades; there are many things we are still learning about and need to be wary of concerning these platforms. We all know how the process usually works: you sign up on a dating app, upload pictures, write out your bio, and then you begin swiping. The way people evaluate profiles may differ depending on the person; some people solely look at the picture, and that’s how they base their decision. Other people focus more on the bio and see if they relate to the words listed. Then there are people who look to see if they approve of the other person’s music taste or interests.
There are various ways to see if you might be compatible with someone on dating apps, which is great! However, we should also focus on being able to identify if someone isn’t compatible with you or presenting red flags. Do you ever wonder how to spot red flags when online dating? If so, this article is for you! Dating apps have many benefits, but they also have downfalls. You want to look out for red flags to keep yourself safe and in-the-know when it comes to this dating scene.
Why Spotting Online Dating Red Flags is Important
There are many reasons we should be looking out for red flags on dating apps. The most critical one seems to be the need for personal safety. Unfortunately, online dating is not entirely safe. Online dating has become so normalized in our society that the concern of meeting someone online seems to have lessened over time. People think that it is very normal to do so, so they don’t worry as much as they may have a couple of years ago about connecting with a stranger. Unfortunately, users might be at risk of facing dangerous situations while meeting up with people online.
While bringing up the topic of dating/online dating, Mind Connections sends our deepest condolences to Lauren Smith-Fields and Brenda Lee Rawls’ loved ones. Both women were reported dead by men they had gone out with the night before. Tragically, neither Smith-Fields nor Rawls’ family was notified that their relative had died. Mind Connections hopes that eventual healing and justice come to both families.
We hope this article can help promote safety and caution for people on dating apps.
Online Dating Red Flags to Look Out For
Their Pictures Make Them Look Different
For ensuring safety, examining pictures can be an essential step in this process. While looking at the images posted on their profile, ask yourself:
- Do they look like they are the same person in each photo?
- Do they use a lot of filters that change their appearance?
- Are their only group pictures? Can you identify the person the profile belongs to?
These may seem like silly questions, but you never know who could be behind this profile. It is important to see pictures that look like each other, give off an authentic vibe, and don’t alert your intuition when scrolling.
You See an All Too Familiar Face
If you are scrolling on a dating app and you notice that a face looks really familiar, don’t be surprised if someone is catfishing. Plenty of people catfish, pretend to be someone online that they are not, as celebrities or social media influencers. If you feel like something is off by the pictures you see, you’re probably right. Trust your gut!
Their Profile is Not Verified
Many dating apps now allow for people to become verified. Being verified on a dating app means that their system has checked that you are the person operating your profile. Verification is essential in securing your safety – with this check, you know that you are probably talking to a real person.
The Profile Just Seems Fake
As mentioned before, pictures not looking similar or no sign of verification can show that the profile is fake. Other ways to tell if a profile seems fake can be:
- There is one or are only a couple of pictures on the profile
- The person has not attached any social media accounts to their dating profile
- They have no bio or information listed on their profile
- Messaging them gives off a strange feeling
- The messages don’t make sense or seem disingenuous
Their Profile Looks Too Good to be True
Your match may have many pictures on their profile, a clear location, a sincere profile, and a great job such as “doctor without boarders”, “United Nations military officer”, “petroleum engineer”, “finance professional,”etc. Once connected, they seem very attentive, emailing or texting you every day. As sweet as this sounds, it almost feels like this can only happen in a perfect world. Do they sound too good to be true? They may very well be.
Scammers appear in many dating apps. Their goal is very clear: getting you attached to them emotionally. The next step is to, for example, tell you they are stuck in a foreign country and need to borrow money to save them, or introduce you to the crypto world for “a great investment opportunity”. Indeed, their goal is very clear – this goal is to get your money.
Discrimination and Other Online Dating Red Flags
Some people also go on dating apps to fulfill specific fetishes or obsessions. No one should be made to feel that they are just a sexual object for someone; if someone says something that makes you feel that way, it is a major red flag. Plus-sized people, for example, experience these situations and can find them quite discouraging.
Tips to Practice Before the Date
Try to Get to Know Someone Before You Meet Up
Before you meet up with someone, try your best to maintain conversation for as long as you deem necessary – at least long enough to get a vibe from them. Try to get a sense of what the person is like and if they seem normal through your communication.
If you feel bold, request FaceTiming or calling them before you meet up. If you are shyer and find this to be a little too forward, that is understandable. However, this makes the next tip even more important.
Do an Online Search
Let’s be honest; we’ve all looked up someone online before. Looking someone up before a date is not uncommon in the slightest. Most people will look up someone’s social media profiles before they decide to meet up with them. Try to gauge what this person is like from their social media profile and posts. In some cases, people might find alarming posts that cause them to rethink meeting this person. This is not encouraging people to make sole biases about someone based on their photos; instead, it is encouraging looking for red flags like:
- Posts expressing violence or dangerous activities
- Finding out they are actually in a relationship
- Having public records of dangerous or alarming crimes
Meet Up in Separate Ways
If you’re meeting up with someone for the first time, try to meet in a public place and take your own transportation there. If the date goes wrong or the person gives you a really creepy vibe, this is a great way to get out of the situation on your own. If you don’t drive or don’t own a car, try to ask one of your friends to be up on standby in case you need any help. There are also options like public transportation, ride apps, or even a taxi cab.
This tip was inspired from RAINN – check out their article for more tips on safety and security while dating.
Tell Your Friends Where You’re Going or Share Your Location
If you are meeting with someone for the first time, try telling a trusted friend or family member where you are going and who you are meeting. You can also share your location on different apps for an added safety measure.
Furthermore, you can establish a code with your friends if something goes wrong. For example, tell your friend that sending them a specific emoji signifies that you need them to call you or make an excuse for why they need to pick you up.
Look Out for Red Flags Even After the First Date
Unfortunately, when you meet some people for the first time, they are on their best behavior. Many people act one way at first, but as time goes on, they could start showing their true colors. Keep your guard up when dating online or in person. Trust your intuition! If something doesn’t feel right or you have an eerie feeling about something, don’t ignore it.
Remember, You Are Not to Blame
This article is meant to try and help people identify potential red flags on dating apps. Remember, some people may not show any red flags at first, and over time they become abusive, hurtful, or dangerous. Know that this is never your fault – abuse is 100% the abuser’s fault. Even if you don’t follow the steps in our article or “miss a red flag,” you are never to blame.
If you feel like you are in a toxic situation or someone has hurt you, we hope you seek help and support. Please seek resources like
Domestic Violence Hotline:
800-799-7233
Visit their website for more information: here.
Therapy for Navigating Relationships
Therapy can help you with dating and relationships in many ways. For example, you can get support from a therapist about how to deal with being single. A therapist can help people navigate this chapter of your lives, build self-esteem, work through loneliness, and even more!
People can also seek couple’s counseling if they meet someone online and start dating. If you are facing any problems in your relationship, our team would love to support you in any way! We provide inclusive therapy and a safe space for LGBTQ+ people to receive support as a couple.
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao
