How to Deal with Perfectionism

Have you ever wanted to be perfect? Do you feel overly upset whenever you make a mistake? Do you get mad at yourself when you mess up and feel shame about these errors? You may be struggling with perfectionism. 

As humans, none of us are perfect. Therefore, we will inevitably make mistakes. There may be times when you have an important task to complete, and you want everything to turn out exactly according to plan. Having a desire for perfection from time to time is normal, but a constant need for this standard can become a problem. 

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is when a person desires to be or accomplish things without flaw. When someone is a perfectionist, they try their best to complete each task, assignment, etc. without any mistakes. As a result, perfectionism will affect someone’s work capabilities and professional life. People who desire this error-free existence may also expect others to do the same. When their friends or colleagues mess up, they can feel disappointed.

This phenomenon can be either positive or negative. Positive perfectionism motivates people to continue to work hard and achieve their goals. Positive perfectionism consequently enhances the someone’s life/work satisfaction and self-awareness. This self-awareness can help the person recognize attributes like their capabilities/limitations. 

Negative perfectionism causes a hindered self-view. In other words, this type of perfectionism causes people to be really harsh on themselves and their abilities. When failure happens to these people, it can harm them mentally. 

Perfectionism and Work/Education

People who have perfectionism may struggle in their educational and professional lives. Perfectionism can lead students to have a more challenging time in their classes – this need for perfection can cause these achievers to exceed their work limitations and foster intense worries about not succeeding in their academics. 

This need for perfection negatively impacts people in high-stress environments. Research showed that perfectionism, along with stress and burnout, is not only harmful to the medical professional but also to the patient. These stressors can disrupt the quality of care a patient receives.

Perfectionism and Procrastination

People who struggle with perfectionism might also face problems with procrastination. When someone is a perfectionist, they tend to put immense pressure on themselves. Procrastination is when someone postpones completing something (like a task or assignment) until it is very close to the deadline. Studies have shown that perfectionism and the tendency to procrastinate can be linked. When people procrastinate, they might avoid doing their assignments because they have anxiety or stress around the task. Worriers are concerned that their results will not meet the high standards they’ve created for themselves. This stress can cause someone to put this work off because it makes them feel like they are not capable or puts them in a bad mood.

Perfectionism and Well-being

The constant desire to be perfect can have harmful effects on people’s well-being. According to studies, negative perfectionism can decrease someone’s wellness  Negative perfectionism can also promote competitive anxiety in athletes.

This obsession for perfection may also lower self-esteem and confidence. Low Self-esteem is a persistent sense of inferiority that makes you feel worthless and incompetent in every aspect of your life. It can reduce your quality of life in many different ways, constant self-criticism can lead to depression, anxiety, anger, shame, body image problems, and relationship difficulties.

Perfectionism can be linked to OCD or eating disorders. People with OCD may also experience problems with perfectionism. OCD can cause someone to worry constantly about making mistakes, their work not succeeding, or things not turning out exactly the way they want them to. If something doesn’t turn out how they’d like, someone with OCD may worry that something bad will happen etc.

Research has found that negative perfectionism can increase body dissatisfaction which can be a risk factor in developing an eating disorder. 

Perfectionism’s Negative Effects on Adolescents 

Perfectionism can cause problems for adolescents. A study found that when children experience negative perfectionism they may endure higher levels of aggression. These researchers go on to say that positive perfectionism can become a problem when it is taken too far.

Other studies even found that harmful perfectionism can cause increased feelings of suicide in suffers. Perfectionism can cause suicide ideation because it holds extreme standards over people’s heads – when people do not reach these goals they can feel disappointed and ashamed of themselves. 

How to Help Alleviate Perfectionism

Firstly, Try Positive Affirmations

Since perfectionism can affect people’s self-esteem and confidence, positive affirmations might help someone feel better about themselves. Some positive affirmations can be:

• I am human.
• The hard work I do is always enough.
• I can make mistakes, and that is ok.
• My failures do not define me.
• I am capable.
• I am strong.

Secondly, Honor Your Accomplishments More

Instead of focusing solely on your failures or mistakes, try to appreciate and celebrate your achievements more.

Try journaling when you succeed, and write about how this success made you feel. This is a great way to document your experiences and look back on them when you feel down about yourself.

Thirdly, Accept that things can go wrong, and that is OK

Sometimes in life, even though we may not like it, we will mess up. This can be upsetting, and you may try your best to avoid these setbacks. If failure does occur, you will be ok! Try to accept that things can and will go wrong in life. What is the worst thing that can happen if you mess up?  Try to look at each mistake as a teaching moment. Use these experiences as a chance to learn and grow.

Seek Treatment

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CBT is an effective form of treatment for someone with perfectionism. People who have perfectionism can struggle with rigid thought processes that are hard to break from. This harsh thinking can enforce impossible standards that these people may hold for themselves. In this study, CBT helped perfectionists alter thinking patterns and become more open to different possibilities.

Mindfulness-based CBT

Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy can also alleviate perfectionism in people. Mindfulness CBT can help someone detach themselves from harmful ways of thinking, pay attention to the present, and cope with negative thought patterns. For example, someone may be worried about their work efforts not turning out the way they want. Mindfulness can help this person focus on the present and decenter themself from their worries about the future. It can also help them accept whatever outcome prevails.

In this study, meditation was also included in the treatment plan. If you want to learn more about meditation – Mind Connections founder, Dr. June Cao, helps listeners practice mindfulness breathing meditation in her recent youtube video. 

OCD and Eating Disorder Treatment 

Since people who strive for perfection also are at risk for OCD and eating disorders, it can be helpful to seek treatment in those areas, as well. Psychotherapy works effectively to treat OCD. Treatment can help build coping strategies and diminish the influence of OCD. Some therapy models can include:

• ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy)
• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
• Online Therapy or Tele-therapy
• Group Therapy
• Psychodynamic

People who have eating disorders can benefit from Cognitive Behavior Therapy.

Remember that…

You are perfect just the way you are! Constantly seeking perfection can be saddening, but you are more than capable in your ability to fight back against this stressor and find inner peace. You deserve to appreciate yourself and all you do!

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao