How to Be Okay With Being Single
Are you single?
Do you feel like you are surrounded by couples and people who are together?
Do you find yourself feeling lonely or sad constantly?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, this article is for you! Being single is nothing to be ashamed of! Please remember that you are infinitely worthy just for being you! A relationship is not a way to fill a missing part of you. You are already whole and enough. A relationship is a great thing to have in your life, but it is not the most important thing about you. This article will share tips on how to be okay with being single and lessons to learn from each relationship stage.
Being single may be challenging for you. If this is true, know that you are not alone – in fact, 34.5% of the adult population are single currently. Although very common, being single is often met with negative connotations. Whether you were in a relationship or not, you deserve to feel respect and love from people around you and towards yourself!
Why You May Be Single:
Society’s Impact
Before exploring how to be okay with being single, we must first analyze the huge impact society has on us/our relationships. Society can make you feel bad about being single. It seems like being in a relationship is pushed on us from a young age. We watch fairytale movies where the prince rescues the princess or rom-coms where the couple faces silly struggles but ultimately ends up together in the end. Viewing these relationships on our screens all the time impacts our lives greatly. Every show you watch probably discusses relationships at least once during an episode. If you listen to the radio, what more common song is there than a love song? It seems like being in a relationship/being in love surrounds us all the time in our daily lives.
The media pushes its made-up standards on us all, which causes immense pressure in our lives. If we are not in a relationship, we feel bad about ourselves. Women especially face many obstacles and stigmas pushed on them regarding dating. Society has made you feel like you are old by the time you are 30 (which is crazy)! Aging is something that many women fear because of the pressure that has been put on them to settle down/have kids.
“So, Are You Dating Anyone?”
If all of your friends are dating, it may feel like you are surrounded by couples 24/7! The influx of couples can be hard to navigate as a single person from time to time. We all are so used to being immersed in a dating culture that it often comes up in conversations.
The first thing someone usually asks you when they haven’t seen you in a while is, “Are you dating anyone,” or, “Are you single?” This is especially common to face in your twenties! Furthermore, people may be trying to set you up with their friends or encourage you to go on dating apps to find the “right one” like they did. These pushy situations can make you feel uncomfortable, to say the least.
Dating Apps Hurt Your Feelings
We live in a society controlled by technology, and it is a significant way we meet people. You may be on every dating app and still find it hard to find someone to connect with! Swiping on other people has become so normalized in our society. We see one picture of someone and decide whether we want to communicate with them or not. One look at their profile can deter us from ever crossing paths.
Moreover, you may feel discouraged because you don’t get many matches, people ghost you, or don’t answer your messages. This can hurt your self-esteem and make you feel like you are missing out on the dating game in life. Especially since the pandemic is here, it is already challenging to find people in real life. Dating apps may feel they have a significant presence/power in your life.
You’re Healing from a Breakup
You may be single because you are healing from a breakup. You may have experienced heartbreak or detached from your ex-partner not too long ago. The pain from this situation is still present with you, and you are trying to find a way to navigate these emotions. You may feel upset being single because your partner has already moved on! It can be extremely upsetting when thinking about your past relationship. You find it hard to believe they moved on so fast when you are still mourning the memories you have together.
You Are Dealing With Your Sexuality
If you are in the closet or not yet open about your sexuality, you may not be interested in dating. Alternatively, you may be dating but keeping it a secret from certain people in your life. You may be reluctant to come out due to things like lack of social support or fear of discrimination. Take your time in your process and only do what makes you feel comfortable.
People who are asexual might want to be in relationships but have no sexual contact or feel drawn to a queerplatonic relationship, instead of a romantic one.
You Are Focusing on Yourself
Participating in dating or hook-up culture can be a lot to deal with emotionally. After different experiences with these scenes, someone may choose to be celibate or single for a while. They may want to spend time focusing on themselves before getting themselves into another situationship or relationship. You may be in a period of your life where you are working on yourself and becoming the best version of who you are. It can be challenging to meet other people and date when you feel like you are currently under construction.
How to Be Okay With Being Single
1. Work on Your Self-Esteem
One way to deal with being single is to be content with who you are; or love yourself before you can receive love from others. Be confident in yourself and know that you do not need someone else to complete you – you are always enough! Self-esteem can also help you cope when other people try to push dating on you. For example, if your aunt asks you why you don’t have a boyfriend yet, you might feel upset during this conversation. By working on your self-esteem, these situations will not affect you as much as they used to. You will feel confident in your decision and reply that you are working on yourself or waiting for the right person.
Furthermore, don’t be afraid to set up boundaries with certain people. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about specific topics, that is OK! Honor your comfort level and express that you would rather change the subject.
It is important to appreciate yourself and ignore other people’s expectations. List all your strengths, achievements, great qualities, and wonderful traits that make you who you are, that is, the amazing human being. In other words, it has nothing to do with being single or in a relationship. Remind yourself often with those positive affirmations to boost your confidence and make you a better person.
2. Practice Good Self-Care
Self-care can be in many different forms. Self-love and self-compassion is big. Write a love letter to yourself to express your appreciation of you as a wonderful human being. Typical self-care usually involves healthy diet, good nutrition, quality sleep, exercise, work-life balance, and a peaceful mind. Practice yoga, meditation, and mindfulness to stay relaxed. Participate in activities and keep those hobbies that make you happy and healthy. For instance, dancing, music, gardening, kick-boxing, walking outside, or anything that you enjoy doing.
3. Find More Single Friends
As much as you love your friends in relationships and are happy for them, being the third wheel is not always the best situation. Try to meet new people and join new experiences. You can find new people through apps or by joining clubs/classes. Having single friends can be very beneficial! You and your fellow single friend are both in the similar situations in life. You can even act as each other’s wing person and help each other find someone.
4. Embrace Where You Are in Life
No matter where you are in life, try embracing this stage. Remember: you will never miss out on what is meant for you in your life. Anything destined for you will come along when the time is right. For now, appreciate the beauty of each stage in life.
Stages…
As many of us know, being in love/in a relationship is a beautiful experience. You get to find someone you connect with and make so many memories together. You create a partnership that can bring so much happiness into your life. You get to grow with this person and make memories that will last forever.
That being said, we need to appreciate the single-stage more than we already do. There’s so much beauty that can come from this stage of life! Being single can spur growing and learning about yourself in so many ways. This stage allows you to honor yourself and appreciate your own company and the energy you exude. Being alone does not mean that you have to be lonely. You can value yourself more, discover interests you never thought you’d have, expand your perspective, and ultimately increase self-love throughout this stage.
Even the stage of breaking up can be pretty bittersweet. The pain that you feel during the time is important – honor your emotions and realize that you are valid in how you feel. There are many low points during this time, but there can also be positives. You may have just detached yourself from a toxic situation. This, although extremely difficult, is amazingly strong of you! Your resilience and power show through these times. Also, the work you do to heal yourself and feel OK again is a process that should be greatly respected. You are doing fantastic!
5. Figure Out What You Want
Being single is a great way to figure out what you want in life and a partner. You may be single because you are waiting for the right person to come into your life. If so, make a list of attributes you would want this person to have.
Think, for example:
- What kind of overall personality would you like them to have?
- Would you want them to be passionate about ___?
- Do you like someone more outgoing or shy?
All these questions can help you figure out the ideal partner for you. Take note of what your deal-breakers are. You may want kids one day, so someone not interested in being a parent could be someone you wouldn’t necessarily want to date long-term. Listen to your heart and follow what you think will make you feel fulfilled and happy in the long run.
6. Put Yourself Out There
You deserve to put yourself out there after all of your efforts in self-esteem building, finding yourself! When you are ready, find ways to put yourself out there more! You can join new groups, swipe on dating apps, or ask your friends to introduce you to one of their friends.
Remember that you deserve to know how great you are during this process – never forget your worth and capabilities. If you date someone and it doesn’t work out, that is OK! Every experience that doesn’t work out is just another lesson for what to avoid/look for in the next person you go out with. Not everyone you date also has to be for the long term. You can casually date or see people just to have fun with it! It all depends on what you are looking for in this part of your life. Make sure that you are on the same page with the other person – if you guys end up not being compatible, there are always so many more people out there!
7. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help
Counseling for romance is not just reserved for couples in relationships; you can get relationship advice from a therapist even if you are single! Counseling can help you healthily and happily navigate being single. Your therapist can advise you on dealing with being single, building your self-esteem, working through loneliness, and ultimately living a more fulfilled life. Your therapist can also help you with any other struggles you face and supply you with the tools to become the best version of yourself. Our team would love to support you in any way!
Also, if you are going through a breakup, counseling/therapy can help! A therapist can help someone through a breakup by supporting them, giving them the tools they need to move on, helping them embrace their emotions, and starting their healing journey.
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao