Ever heard the phrase “being alone doesn’t have to be lonely”? Do you wonder how to enjoy being alone? Liking alone time can be a challenging idea to embrace, especially when you you’re used to thinking of solitude with discomfort. Oftentimes, we feel like being alone makes us seem uncool– it’s almost like we have no friends, or that people don’t like us. However, being alone actually has many hidden and often overlooked benefits!
Appreciating being by yourself is crucial. We aren’t always going to be surrounded by other people, and being able to appreciate the times we have alone can really help us build self-esteem and gratitude for ourselves and our lives. There are many benefits of being alone and ways appreciate your solitude more.
Why We Fear Being Alone
Childhood Trauma
Many people fear being alone; you may have this fear for a number of different reasons.
Being alone may trigger abandonment issues you have inside of you. The Cleveland Clinic shares that autophobia, the fear of being alone, can stem from past trauma or abandonment. As a child, you may have felt very lonely or neglected at home. You were disappointed or abandoned by parents/family members who were supposed to love and care for you unconditionally. In reality, these people weren’t there to comfort, guide, or tend to you.
The CPTSD Foundation suggests that abandoned kids “grow up feeling unsafe in the world and feeling people cannot be trusted.” This feeling of being unsafe can follow these children throughout their lives and infiltrate their future relationships with others.
Issues with Friends or Partners
As this article suggests, the fear of abandonment can also be linked to a “distressing relationship in adulthood.” You may have went through a traumatic breakup with someone you love; this breakup could cause you to have anxiety around being alone and make you feel like you will never move on or be loved again.
Breakups come in all shapes and sizes. Some people underestimate how deeply upsetting friendship breakups can be. Having a close friend is wonderful, but losing that relationship is devastating. Memories, laughs, and special moments you once cherished are now painful to relieve.
However, our society does recognize how painful romantic breakups can be. (So many songs on the radio are centered around this central theme!) You may have thought you would spend the rest of your life with someone who ended up leaving you. As a result, you fear being alone and fill your time endlessly swiping on dating apps or constantly going out- doing anything to keep your mind off of that person.
Safety, Avoidance, and Insecurity
It’s a common fear to worry about something bad happening when you’re alone. Sadly, women in our society often face the need to be extra cautious when they’re by themselves. This constant concern can lead to anticipatory anxiety, where you’re so worried about something bad happening that you become afraid of being alone.
Some people fear being alone because they don’t enjoy their own company or value themselves. Instead of self-reflecting, they try to fill the emptiness in their lives with constant distractions like hanging out with friends, watching TV shows, etc. This way, they can avoid exploring their own thoughts. However, being alone forces you to confront the issues you might have been avoiding for a long time. It can help you to look within, reflect, and address those underlying problems.
Others may fear being alone because they feel like it makes them look uncool and hurts their self-esteem, as well. They fear that others would notice and assume that they have no friends or that no one wants to be with them. You can empathize with the feeling of being a fearful kid entering a lunchroom for the first time, worrying that no one will let you sit at their table. Even as we grow, this fear of being left out or rejected can follow us.
Social media only makes this fear worse because it shows us what people are doing 24/7. You never get a break from seeing the highlight reels of every hangout or activity a mutual follower is doing with their friends. These constant snippets could make you feel lonely or like you’re missing out on that.
The Benefits of Being Alone
There are actually many benefits of being alone that you may not realize. One of them is the ability to appreciate ourselves more. When you are constantly surrounded by other people or things, you may not be able to explore yourself and your interests fully. Being alone allows you time to delve into your ideas and interests and to think for yourself without being influenced by others.
Being alone can also be very calming, especially if you are an introvert who recharges in solitude. For people like parents or workaholics, who are constantly around people and have a lot of responsibilities, being alone can be a welcomed break that allows them to take some time for themselves. Being able to calm down and relax alone can help prevent burnout.
Also, when you’re alone, you can decide what you want to do – what you want to watch, eat, read, visit is all in your control no one can tell you otherwise. There’s a freedom in being alone, and there’s a true joy in finding joy within yourself.
How to Enjoy Being Alone
Enjoying alone time can be a wonderful way to recharge, reflect, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Here are some tips for making the most of your solo moments and learning how to enjoy being alone:
1. Prioritize Self-Care
The beauty of being alone means that you can focus on you! One way to do so is by implementing self-care practices in your life.
Use your alone time to focus on self-care activities that can nourish your body and mind. This can include taking a long bath, reading a book you’ve been wanting to read, meditating, practicing yoga, or simply enjoying a cup of tea or coffee in peace. Self-care can help you feel more centered and relaxed.
Self-care is often stigmatized as selfish or self-serving. However, these things don’t have to be viewed negatively. You are entitled to do things for yourself, even if they only benefit you. As a parent of a people-pleaser, it can be difficult to make time for yourself. Remember that this is YOUR life, and as much as you want to help others, you deserve to show that same compassion for yourself.
2. Pursue Your Hobbies and Interests
Another way to learn how to enjoy being alone, is through doing new activities. Alone time is an excellent opportunity to indulge in hobbies or interests that you’re passionate about.
Hobbies are not only a great way to express yourself, but also activities that enhance your mental health. Research shows that having a hobby is linked to lower levels of depression; to some extent, it may even prevent depression. Finding time for your hobbies and interests could bring more pleasure and joy.
Hobbies have also been found to lower people’s stress. Cortisol is one of the most widely studied hormonal markers of stress. One study showed that about 75% of participants’ cortisol levels were lowered after making art.
Furthermore, hobbies can give you a sense of mastery and control (which can boost your self-esteem!). For example, you may feel rewarded when you achieve a goal in learning or practicing hobbies. Your self-esteem tends to rise as you feel more accomplished at a particular task.
Whether it’s painting, writing, playing a musical instrument, gardening, any other creative pursuit or discovering endless excitement with superslots casino, that helps you get into premium gaming, with vast selection of renowned slot machines and thrilling table games, exclusive bonuses, dedicating time to your hobbies can be deeply satisfying and fulfilling.
3. Spend Time in Nature or the Outdoors
Spending time in nature can be incredibly rejuvenating. Take a solo hike, walk, or bike ride in a nearby park or nature reserve. Nature offers tranquility and a chance to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of daily life, allowing you to reconnect with yourself.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Alone time is a perfect occasion to practice mindfulness and self-reflection. Engage in meditation or mindful breathing exercises to stay present in the moment. Reflect on your thoughts and emotions without judgment, and use this time for personal growth and self-awareness. Moreover, practicing mindfulness can help you cope with fears or being alone and the anxieties that come with it.
Here are some mindful activities that can help you deal with your fear of being alone:
Mindful Breathing and Relaxation Techniques:
Deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and body. Consider practicing these techniques before your flight and during any anxiety-provoking situations.
Grounding techniques
Grounding techniques can help you practice mindfulness and reduce anxiety by refocusing on the present moment. Physical grounding techniques use your senses or tangible objects to help you move through distress and anxiety without medication. Examples include breathing, holding ice, putting your hands in water, and the 5-4-3-2-1 method.
When you’re feeling anxious, it can be helpful to distract yourself with mental exercises like counting backward or categorizing things. You can also try grounding techniques like visualizing your happy place or touching comforting objects. These methods can be effective for dealing with anxiety without relying on medication.
5. Limit Social Media Use
Social media isn’t inherently bad or problematic, however, if it makes you feel left out and stressed, it is probably time to take a break and focus on yourself.
Social media can sometimes bring toxic beliefs and make you feel very alone as you watch other people seemingly live their best lives online. Remember that people often only post their highlights, and social media isn’t always what it seems. Ironically, some of the people posting with the large groups of friends in a picture might feel the loneliest of the bunch. Take social media with a grain of salt and use it if you enjoy it, but also take a break from it if it is causing strain on your mental health when you are alone.
6. Start Journaling
Journaling is a great way to spend time alone. When you journal, you get to explore your thoughts and see them illustrated on paper. You can take time to reflect on what you’re truly feeling and make notes of who you are.
Indeed, journaling can help you learn more about yourself and truly reflect on the thoughts that you may be avoiding. You might want to use your journal to reflect on your behaviors, or to keep track of your daily habits. Whether you use daily journaling, visual journaling, free writing journaling, or gratitude journaling, it helps to work through challenges and improve your mental well-being.
7. Learn to Value Your Own Company
Alone but not lonely: embracing solitude is an art. Cultivate activities that you can enjoy alone, be it painting, reading, or even dancing. Understand that solitude can offer moments of reflection and peace that crowded spaces often can’t.
Meanwhile, it’s also important to avoid comparing yourself to others. Remember, it’s not the number of friends you have or the frequency of your social outings that matters. It’s what works for you.
8. Work on Self-Esteem
As mentioned before, some people fear being alone because they are worried about what others will think of them. In order to learn how to enjoy being alone, you have to start from within.
Building self-esteem is important because you deserve to find worth in yourself. When you have worth, you will see that you deserve respect and kindness just like anyone else. In turn, you won’t worry so much about what others think because your opinion of yourself matters most!
You can start building self-esteem by:
Cutting the negative self-talk and comparisons: Negative self-talk can be damaging to our self-esteem and mental health.
Speaking positive affirmations to yourself: Focusing on positive self-talk means making an effort to replace negative thoughts with more supportive ones. For example, instead of saying “I’m so stupid” after making a mistake, try saying “Everyone makes mistakes, I’ll do better next time.”
Wearing clothes that make you feel confident
Hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself and don’t tear you down
Prioritizing your needs or setting boundaries with people
Listening to your inner voice and honoring it
9. Prioritize Mental Health
If you want to learn how to enjoy being alone, Mind Connections wants to help you!
Therapy can help you deal with many issues mentioned in this article, such as low self-esteem, abandonment issues, or fear of being alone. A therapist can help guide you through childhood trauma you may need healing from, build self-esteem, cope with stressors, or establish self-care practices.
You can talk to a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings and the reasons why you may fear being alone. They can help you embrace who you are and appreciate yourself when you are alone.
Therapy can help people cope with stressors healthily and get back to living normally. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for flight anxiety, or CBT, can help you rewire your negative and anxious thoughts and reframe them in a more positive outlook.
Exposure therapy can also help people with their fear of being alone. Exposure is a psychological intervention that is part of behavior therapy. It is considered one of the most effective techniques to treat fear and anxiety.
Exposure therapy helps because the more you are exposed to a feared situation, the less fear you will have eventually. We use the Fear Ladder to help people to expose themselves to a feared situation gradually till they reach the level of their most feared in social settings.
For someone who dislikes or fears being alone, exposure therapy would make them face more situations by themselves. For example, pushing themselves to go out to eat at a restaurant alone or stay in for the night instead of their usual extroverted agenda.
Call now to learn how therapy can help you with your fear of being alone and find ways to cope healthily!
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao
