How many times have you heard people saying, “just be happy”, “always smile”? Have you tried to bottle up feelings? Suppressing emotions with too much wine or food? When was the last time you had a good cry? Or did you simply tell yourself “I forgot how to cry”? 

You hold in your feelings, mask it with a smile, and may be out of touch with emotions. Probably you have been conditioned to view crying as weak, or you are disconnected from your emotions to protect yourself, or you have always told yourself “boys don’t cry”. Indeed, you may label unwanted emotions such as sadness, anger, and fear as negative emotions, that is, something you do not like, should not have, and therefore, naturally resist. 

So often, you may try to handle difficult emotions with excessive work, food, alcohol, drugs, and shopping. When you attempt to bury your feelings, deny them, ignore them, internalize them, and pretend they didn’t happen, you could end up suffering from tremendous stress. In other words, suppressing emotions or turning them off does not make them go away.

Dangers of Suppressing Emotions

Research has shown potential danger of hiding or avoiding emotions. When you are out of touch with emotions, such unwanted emotions could accumulate and get more intense. Eventually it could lead to various health issues. Indeed, significant numbers of studies point to the negative repercussions such as chest pain, dermatitis, fatigue, dizziness, sexual dysfunction, and chronic pain. Without a doubt, the list goes on.

Similarly, emotional repression could lead to psychological issues such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and even suicide. When you get used to burying feelings, you may experience decreased sensitivity to emotions and eventually turn to emotional numbing. In other words, it is the typical feeling of “I want to cry but I can’t”. Not only does such emotional disconnection block negative feelings, but it shuts down the ability to experience pleasure, intimacy, positive interactions, and social activities.  

In addition, our behaviors and relationships could suffer when you bottle things up, build walls, and refuse to communicate. Out of touch with emotions, you turn to avoidance, denial, detachment, and dismissal as coping mechanism, rather than using problem-solving skills. Ultimately, self-sabotaging behaviors, another coping, could damage self-esteem and affect nearly every aspect of life. Ever wonder “why I am so emotional all of a sudden?” Naturally emotion explosion can be a bottled-up emotional symptom that causes anger outbursts and aggressive behaviors.

Benefits of Getting in Tune with Emotions

It is ok to cry when there is too much on your mind. Crying serves as a healthy outlet for getting back in touch with emotions. When you cry, you are able to release strong feelings and relieve from anger or suffering. What is the reason you could enjoy watching depressing movies, riding roller coasters, and listening to sad music? That is because you intentionally expose yourself to such activities for relief. By doing so, you could overcome unresolved painful memories in the past.

In addition, crying is a healthy coping mechanism and a necessary form of releasing anxiety and irritability. It apparently does not erase your ability to be strong, nor is it an irrational behavior. Studies have shown that, by letting things out, the tension built up from your emotional burden and stress is alleviated. It reminds you not to be hard on yourself and that you can be vulnerable.

Further, a good cry is one of the strategies to improve emotional intelligence. By identifying, acknowledging, and appreciating how you really feel, you are able to pay closer attention to how you are talking to yourself and others. This prepares you to learn to validate your own emotions and get the message your emotions are trying to offer. Ultimately you can better validate others’ emotions. Inevitably, validation of others’ emotions is a key component of practicing empathy and enhancing interpersonal relationships. 

How to Have a Good Cry

In fact, crying is natural, beautiful, and human. You deserve to have a good cry without the burden of guilt, shame, self-blaming, or self-pity. Knowing that tears may not always come out as you hope, we share 5 tips to help you with a good cry and feel better afterwards.

1. Find a safe place

When one of those days seems to call for it, when you feel like you need to release some emotion, find a place where you feel safe and comfortable. Naturally most people find it easier to let their guard down in private, rather than in front of strangers. So stay as comfortable and relaxed as you can.

2. Use assist to cry

If you find it hard to cry and need a little help getting the tears flowing, try using an assist. For example, it could be a list of sad songs or music, depressing movies on Netflix, heart broken videos, or a vivid piece of your most tearful memory.

3. Cry it out and no more suppressing emotions

When that heaviness in your chest arises, let it all out as loud as you can. That is, cry naturally and with whatever level of intensity you are experiencing. No need to suppress your tears. Rest assured, no one is watching or judging you, and you are not judging yourself. Simply embrace how you feel and how that feeling comes out of you.

4. Listen to your body to end the cry

Eventually your crying will run its natural course. When you feel cleansed, a good endpoint is reached and you can turn off the videos or music. At this point, your body may loosen and your breathing can get slow. Your body is probably telling you to slow down and recover. Therefore, take deep breaths, stretch, and relax your whole body.

5. Sooth yourself afterwards

After a good cry, you are probably not in the mood to do anything really active or social. So listen to your body. Take a nap if you need, plan on your evening in, process it, do your journaling, or take a bubble bath as a self-care follow up.

Now that after a good healthy cry, you may be surprised to see how much better you feel. However, if you still find it difficult to cry or to face other difficult emotions, our therapists at Mind Connections are here to help. Give us a free 15-minute phone call, we would love to work with you to heal from the pain.