How to Put Yourself First
Do you struggle knowing how to put yourself first? Have you ever had these thoughts?
- It’s selfish to put yourself first.
- I can’t do that…I need to put others before myself.
- I’d rather put myself last; it’s easier that way.
If you are reading this article, you probably are someone who struggles with putting yourself first. You constantly think of others before yourself and feel selfish when you decide to do what you want. Even in times of stress or craziness in your life, you always will put others before yourself. You may be wondering how to put yourself first. This article can help you do so!
Some people don’t follow their dream because they are afraid of what their parents will say, or they don’t finish their assignment because they are too busy helping someone else. As much as we want to please the people around us, we also need to focus on making ourselves truly happy and honoring our own obligations. As that famous quote says, “you have to put on your oxygen mask before you can help anyone else.” If you haven’t heard this phrase before, it means that before you can’t help someone else without focusing on yourself, first. It is important to prioritize your needs for many reasons that we will discuss in this article.
Signs You Don’t Put Yourself First
As mentioned before, knowing how to put yourself first may be foreign to you. You may be someone who constantly puts yourself last. Signs you don’t know how to put yourself first – You:
- Can’t remember the last time you had a mental health day or practiced self-care or love
- Neglect your needs often.
- Don’t really know yourself because you are so busy focusing on others.
- Feel guilty when you don’t do what others want
- Can’t say the word “no” without feeling guilty or giving a bunch of excuses as to why you can’t do something
It can be hard to break the cycle of people pleasing and self-neglecting. Helping others is something we all should strive to do – other people deserve support, care, and compassion. When we help others, we feel good about ourselves, deepen our social connections, and make the other person feel supported. While bringing this care and compassion to others is great, we need to do the same for ourselves. By putting others in front of ourselves, we might be neglecting our basic needs, dreams, and wants in life.
Here are some reasons you need to start putting yourself first NOW!
Why You Should Put Yourself First
First, Simply Put…You deserve it
We all deserve to prioritize our needs and wants in life – full stop.
You, just as much as anyone else, deserve to live a fulfilled life that you enjoy. Often, we don’t take our own advice. We tell others to practice self-care, set boundaries, prioritize their mental health, etc., when we don’t even do those things ourselves.
If your friend came up to you and asked for advice, you’d probably tell them something that would benefit them and help their situation. Do the same to yourself. Think of yourself as a friend; what characteristics do you associate with a good friend?
When you are a friend, you care for the other person, protect their well-being, and support them. Do the same to yourself by prioritizing and putting yourself do yourself first.
Second, So You Can Improve Your Life
We often don’t prioritize ourselves because we worry about other people and things. For example, you may refuse to sleep one night because you were up late finishing work you had. Unfortunately, since you had no sleep, your work didn’t turn out how you wanted it to. In your sleepy state, you were not performing at your optimal level.
You look over your work in shock; there are mistakes, incomplete sentences, and grammatical errors. Overall, you don’t feel like you gave it your best effort. Instead of prioritizing your needs, you chose to stay up and work. Sometimes you have to pull an all-nighter, but when there is a choice between getting sleep and waking up early to finish something – choose to sleep. To live a productive life, you must physically and mentally care for your body. We cannot perform as we want to when lacking in those areas.
Third, Others Will Take Care of Themselves
Many times, we worry about others and put them before ourselves. We will put our needs on the back burner and put others first because we don’t want to be looked at as “mean” or “unsupportive.”
We all want to be helpful, but we don’t need to always over-extend ourselves. You may feel like other people in your life have no problem prioritizing their needs, so why can’t you do the same? Many people you will meet in life will do so, and it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re selfish.
Some people are good at setting boundaries and knowing what they need. If others can do it without seeming selfish, what makes you feel like you should be selfish for doing it? The people in your life who want the best for you would be happy to see you setting firm boundaries and putting your mental and physical health first.
Fourth, You Should Invest in Yourself
Think of a goal or dream you really want.
Now think of the work that would go into achieving this dream.
You can’t achieve your dreams if you never invest in yourself and take chances. By putting yourself first, you are honoring your wants in life. If you find it hard to put the present version of yourself first, think of your inner child. Your past self dreamed of what you would become in the future, don’t let them down by not even trying to go after what you want in life fully!
Who Struggles to Put Themselves First?
Parents
Many parents struggle to care for themselves. Being a parent sometimes feels synonymous with being completely selfless. Even though you are a parent, it doesn’t mean you must forget about yourself. Your are never too old to forget about your needs!
As mentioned before, prioritizing your needs helps you invest in yourself and improve your capabilities. To be the best parent you can be, you must take care of your mental and physical well-being. That means getting enough rest, ensuring you eat (not just your kids), etc. Self-care is necessary for everyone, especially busy parents!
People Pleasers
As mentioned in our past article, you or the people around you may label you as a “people pleaser.” A people pleaser is someone who puts others’ needs before their own very often. People pleasers struggle to say “no.” According to Dr. Sherry Pagoto, people pleasers may feel this way because they fear rejection from others. They fear that saying “no” will cause the other person not to like them anymore, think they are selfish, not need them, etc.
Pagoto also thinks that people-pleasing tendencies can also stem from fear of failure. This behavior and way of thinking can start in childhood. If parents are overly hard on their kids for the mistakes they make, the child can grow up to develop anxiety over disappointing others. Unresolved trauma from their inner child can make them put others first and neglect themselves.
Perfectionists
Perfectionists are people who fear making mistakes. Their massive fear of messing up makes them work extremely hard, struggle with delegating responsibilities, and be extremely hard on themselves when they fail. Perfectionists struggle to put their needs first – if they have to choose between getting any sleep and pulling an all-nighter to ensure their essay is flawless, they will choose the latter.
People with Low Self-Esteem
Having low self-esteem can negatively harm people in many ways. Low self-esteem makes people value themselves less. When we don’t have a strong sense, we are more likely to treat ourselves poorly and not focus on our needs. We also are more likely to have other people treat us poorly because they disrespect our boundaries.
Building self-esteem can help us see the true worth within us all! Self-esteem also acts as a protective factor and improve your mental wellbeing. Self-esteem can help you forget about outside critics or opinions. Once you realize the most important opinion of yourself is your own, you will feel free from others’ judgments!
5 Ways to Put Yourself First
1. Learn to Set Boundaries & Say No
One way to prioritize your needs is to set firm boundaries with others. Boundaries help you protect your comfort level and limits with the people around you. For example, if you have a friend who always asks you for help with their homework, you can benefit from setting a boundary with them. Here are some tips on setting boundaries:
- Self-reflect: Look within yourself. What limits would you benefit from setting with others? Maybe you need more time for yourself and to complete the tasks on your to-do list. You’d like to help your friend but would prefer to do it after you finish your work.
- Communicate your boundaries: Let the person know you want to set a boundary with them. Communicate your reasoning behind setting the boundary. If you feel nervous setting boundaries, try practicing with a friend or family member.
- Stand Firm: Saying “no” to someone and enforcing your boundaries can be difficult, especially for people pleasers. Don’t let the guilt cloud your mind and make you bend your own rules – you deserve to stand firm in your needs and wants.
2. Distance Yourself from Toxic People
If there are people who are constantly taking advantage of you, it may be time to reevaluate their place in your life. You deserve to have good people in your life. If you try your best to be a good person, some people will take advantage of your kindness. Each relationship in your life should be mutually beneficial; you shouldn’t always be the one helping your friends; they should helo you too!
Breaking up with a friend or partner can be challenging. Here are some ways to tell if a relationship should end:
- They aren’t treating you the way you should be treated
- You feel neglected and always thought of last
- You feel like you are the one putting in all the effort, but when you need something in return, you never receive the same back
3. Practice Self-Care
As mentioned before, we all deserve to prioritize self-care. Everyone should take care of themselves and ensure that they are treating their minds and bodies well.
Some ideas for self-care:
- Get enough sleep, nutritious food, and water in your days
- Exercise and get your body moving to produce good-feeling chemicals
- Talk to a trusted friend and vent about any issues you have
- Do hobbies or activities that make you happy
4. Destigmatize Putting Yourself First
We must stop the guilt and stigma surrounding prioritizing our needs/putting ourselves first! No one should be looked at as guilty for putting themselves first. Even parents should be able to take time for themselves in order to recharge and reset. Hiring a babysitter for the night or taking 15 minutes to scroll on your phone is okay! Parents are under too much pressure to be perfect – do the best you can for your children, but don’t totally dismiss what you need.
Try looking for resources or joining a support group for parents. Socializing with other parents can help you feel less alone. You will see that everyone is trying to do the best they can with what they have.
5. Talk to a Therapist
Therapy can help you learn how to put yourself first. A therapist can help you increase your self-esteem and worth. By doing so, you will be able to see how much better you deserve from life. Our coaching can help you start to value your time and energy more and put it into chasing things that matter to you – goals, dreams, etc. Mind Connections wants to help you; call now!
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao