How to Overcome Avoidance Behavior
- Do you tend to face problems head-on or usually have avoidance behavior?
- Do you procrastinate but feel terrible for doing that?
- Are you looking for ways to stop escaping from reality?
Some people get motivated by fear; they feel exhilarated when faced with a challenge, can handle any struggle, and often conquer their problems head-on. Other people may not find this head-on approach so easy. When they identify situations that make them uncomfortable, instead of dealing with the problem, they choose to avoid it.
Whether you face problems head-on or avoid them doesn’t make you better or worse. We all cope with things differently, and that’s okay! However, it is crucial for someone who avoids dealing with their issues to try working on these skills. You don’t have to become a confrontational person, but you should strive to deal with your problems in healthy ways to better your life.
What is Avoidance Behavior?
Avoidance behavior, also called avoidance coping, is any actions a person takes to escape from difficult thoughts or feelings. Consequently, you may avoid people, places, or situations. As we all know, avoidance coping does not solve any problems. Instead, it typically leads to more stress and anxiety.
PsychCentral talks about the different types of avoidance behaviors and how they can affect your life. People can avoid all different kinds of things. Some people avoid going to certain places or doing certain activities because it causes them stress. For example, someone may avoid going to crowded spaces because they fear being in tight, confined spaces.
Other people have more internal avoidance behaviors and try to keep away from thinking about specific thoughts or reminiscing on hurtful events in their life. To avoid painful memories or challenging feelings, some people will even turn to vices like alcohol, drugs, etc., to avoid what they are going through.
List of Avoidance Behaviors
- Drug, alcohol or other substance use
- Procrastination
- Passive-aggressive behaviors
- Burying one’s emotions
- Self-isolation
- Eating disorders
What Causes Avoidance Coping?
According to PsychCentral, we engage in avoidance behaviors to “protect us from what we perceive as a threat” or danger.” Simply, if someone views something or someone as threatening to their safety or well-being, they will do their best to steer clear. In other words, people use avoidance coping strategies to help themselves to feel better at least temporarily.
Indeed, Stress could Cause Avoidance Behavior
We all face stress in our lives. Stress is a natural part of our bodies and can actually be a good thing. Stress helps us know when we are in situations that can make us uncomfortable and to keep us safe from danger. Stress starts becoming a problem when it begins to take over your life. If you feel like your stress is making you unproductive or worried all the time, this can be a reason to seek out help for anxiety.
Examples of Avoidance Behavior
Anxiety and Avoidance Cycle
Some people feel triggered by stress in social situations. Many people are shy and dislike having the spotlight on them. You may ask yourself, “Am I shy, or do I have social anxiety?” The significant difference between social anxiety and shyness is that social anxiety creates a higher level of fear, avoidance, and impairment in your everyday life.
People with social anxiety often face avoidance. When people have social anxiety, their fears prevent them from doing things like leaving the house, speaking in front of crowds, or opening up to other people in general. Since someone with social anxiety fears being scrutinized by others or put under a spotlight, they will often do their best to avoid these situations.
Avoidance Behavior in Relationships
Some people may have insecure or avoidant attachment style, others may use avoidance coping in their romantic relationship. As a result, they show emotional avoidance and push away their partner. Inevitably, this defense mechanism either sabotages or fails the relationship. Specific examples may include:
- Lack of communication or refuse to communicate for fear of conflicts. Some use passive-aggressiveness, whereas others use silence treatment or cold war;
- Avoid affection and emotional connection. They do not express their love to their partner;
- Instead of dealing with issues in the relationship, they use work, alcohol, or even affairs to escape;
- They don’t meet your emotional needs, instead, they detach themselves, keep emotional and physical distance, become standoffish, or even threaten to leave;
- Abandonment. They are not available for you when you need them the most. Actually ghosting you or leaving you is the easy route for them so that they don’t have to handle relationship issues.
Procrastination is Avoidance Behavior
Many people may look at procrastination as a type of avoidance. People may view procrastinators as lazy or unmotivated; this is a stigma that is often not true! Perfectionists are often looked at as overachievers who are very dedicated to their craft and work. Perfectionists want to work without flaws and get very upset when they make mistakes. You may be surprised to know that many perfectionists procrastinate.
Their procrastination is caused by the high expectations that perfectionists put on themselves. Perfectionists maintain elevated standards of how they should perform and do their work. These high expectations can cause a lot of stress for perfectionists, preventing them from even wanting to start the task. People will procrastinate because they fear that they will fail once they try.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD is a mental disorder that causes someone to have intrusive and repetitive thoughts. These thoughts can make someone very uncomfortable because they are unwanted. These repetitive, undesirable thoughts make up the “obsession” part of OCD. To try and stop these obsessions, the person will engage in specific actions repetitively – this is the “compulsion” part of OCD.
People with OCD may start avoiding situations that can cause them to feel triggered. For example, someone with OCD may fear contamination and worry about getting sick. These fears can cause them not to want to leave their house, constantly cancel plans, and avoid doing things in public.
People with OCD also may avoid thinking about certain topics in fear of their thoughts. For example, someone with intrusive/unwanted violent thoughts might avoid thinking about crime-related headlines they hear about on the news or certain violent scenes they see from movies.
People Pleasers
People Pleasers are people who want the approval of others. This approval means a lot to them, and they will often sacrifice their well-being, priorities, and desires to make the people around them happy.
Often, people pleasers struggle with saying no and prioritizing their own needs above others. These people may struggle when it comes to setting boundaries and communicating healthily with people. In fear of upsetting others, people pleasers may avoid addressing things that might be bothering them. They fear being perceived as dramatic or seeming like a bother. Instead of engaging in healthy communication, they keep their problems to themselves.
Strategies to Cope With Avoidance Behavior
1. Start Small, Start Now!
Sometimes we can get so overwhelmed with how much work we have to do that we don’t realize we can take small steps first. We often disregard small steps and focus on the bigger picture, but don’t forget how important these foundational moves can be.
Start small with a task and you will feel more motivated to keep going. For example, if you have a long paper to write first come up with a simple outline or a list of things you want to discuss. Once you start small, it will better show you how to move forward in the future and what to look out for.
2. Practice Doing What You Fear
As mentioned before, the more we do daunting tasks, the less scary they become to us. So, for example, if you want to have an important conversation with your partner and you are nervous, try practicing with yourself or a trusted friend beforehand. When you practice, write out everything you want to say. Identify the critical parts you wish to discuss and pretend like you are delivering these lines to your partner.
You can talk to the mirror and look at yourself, or you can talk to a loved one. If you speak to a loved one, ask for their feedback or if they have any ideas of how you can present your conversation better.
This can also go for people who fear public speaking. Practicing speeches to yourself or others can make it less scary when you perform these words in front of an audience in class or at work. Starting with a smaller group of people that you trust can help you build your confidence to perform in front of a bigger crowd.
Use Desensitization to Face Your Fear
According to the NIH, “fear persists because avoidance of the conditioned stimulus (CS) prevents the extinction that normally occurs through repeated non-reinforced exposures.” When we do things repeatedly, we get used to this activity, and the stressors or triggers usually lessen. For example, think of someone who is afraid of driving.
They may really fear getting behind the wheel, but once they do it more and more, their fears decrease. If someone constantly avoids doing something, they will never get the chance to have the beneficial effects of this exposure; their fears will only continue.
3. Actively Manage Stress
As we know, avoidance is “flight”, or a passive approach. Rather, being more active or proactive is the key to address the issue. Applying stress management skills can effectively help you to reduce avoidance coping. Essentially, it is important to be more proactive. That is, become more aware of your stress level and reduce it before it overwhelms you. Different people may have different stress relievers. For example, many find these activities helpful:
- Going out for a walk
- pet your dog
- yoga
- exercise
- dance or music
- watch a movie
- meditate
- talk to a friend
- take a bubble bath
4. Contract with a Buddy to Help you
Let’s face it, no matter how hard we try to tackle the stressful situation, it’s not easy to solely rely on yourself to cope. In this case, asking a friend to check in with you can hold you accountable to reduce avoidance coping. For instance, you may give them permission to follow up with you about the thesis you need to start; or you may contract with your buddy and report to them your progress of a difficult project. By doing this, the little nudge or support can successfully push you to stop procrastination and take actions.
5. Practice Mindfulness
Finally, consider practicing mindfulness! Facing things that trigger or frighten you can be stressful. Make sure you focus on de-stressing yourself and doing things that can help you relax or calm down.
Mindfulness can help you center yourself and relax your mind/body. Meditation, yoga, journaling, mindful walking, mindful eating, etc can all help you calm down.
6. Increase Self-Compassion
If you tend to avoid many things in your life, you may feel disappointed with yourself. Remember to have compassion for yourself and patience on your journey. We all respond to stressful situations or triggers in our lives differently; you are not weak for avoiding things.
Think of how you comfort a friend in challenging or stressful times. Do the same for yourself! Use encouraging language, skip the negative self-talk, value your emotions, and remind yourself that you will be okay!
7. Consider Therapy
You don’t have to deal with avoidant behavior alone! A therapist can also help you build self-esteem and confidence in facing your fears. Therapy can help you reframe your negative thoughts, cope with stressors in healthy ways, and navigate your avoidant emotions. Our therapists at Mind Connections are here to support and help you!
Help is out there for those who struggle with addiction or use substances to avoid there problems. Consider joining an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) for social support. Rehabilitation programs, therapy like CBT, or Community Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) can help you and your family.
Exposure therapy can help people face many of the issues talked about in this article. For example, exposure therapy is one of the most well-known ways to treat OCD or Social Phobia. When people fear things like touching a doorknob or speaking publicly, they have to be put in those situations to work on lessening their fear. Exposure therapy helps people face their fears and realize they will be okay.
Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao