How to Help your Highly Sensitive Teen to Manage Stress

Teenage years could be really tough for teens themselves and parents. If your child is a highly sensitive person, things could be more challenging. How do you know you have a highly sensitive teen though? 

Signs of a Highly Sensitive Teen

Highly sensitive teenagers tend to have the following signs:

• identify and/or be bothered easily by certain stimuli or senses such as noise, sound, light, smell, or texture;
• easily feel overwhelmed by crowds, parties, and interactions with strangers
• find it hard to deal with disagreement, judgment, rejection, let alone criticism
• intuitively read other people’s feelings or mind
• feel intense emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear
• either bottle up or react to strong emotions with self isolation or acting out behaviors 

Let’s face it, people are different in reaction towards environmental stimuli, that is, some are more sensitive than others. A highly sensitive teenager is inherently wired to be highly aware of their environment. This sensitivity makes them sharp to grasp subtle changes and deep reflection on everything. Besides, they tend to be very cautious of the consequences, highly empathetic to other’s emotions, and uncomfortable in new or uncertain situations.

What Makes your Teen Highly Sensitive?

To answer this question, research showed clear evidence. Specifically, there is stronger activation in the highly sensitive persons in certain brain regions, including those responsible for awareness, integration of sensory information, empathy and preparation for action. Actually this explains their natural inclination to be highly sensitive.

Compared to low sensitive persons, highly sensitive teens have a tendency to process information in a more detailed manner. In addition, they tend to pay attention to more subtle stimuli, approach novel situations slowly, and show extreme emotional activeness.

Typical Issues Your Highly Sensitive Teen may Face

Highly Sensitive Boys

In most of the cultures in the world, people expect boys to have traits such as aggressiveness, risk-taking, competitiveness and such. For a highly sensitive boy, these expectations can become very demanding and tough because he is expected to behave in a complete contradiction to his true self. As a result he has to perform higher than the average boys to mask toughness.

Bullying

Getting bullied by peers could be another risk. When being popular at school means teens need to make a lot of friends, a highly sensitive teen may not find it easy to be very social and blend in at school. Having limited number of friends could mean social isolation. Besides, others could isolate them intentionally that brings them shame and guilt.

Self- hatred and low self-esteem

Eventually, teens might start developing self hatred and low self-esteem issues. They may internalize the false belief that “I am not normal” and “I will never fit in”. With these beliefs, it is hard to have any self-love and self-compassion.

Emotional and psychological issues.

A highly sensitive teen may start manifesting emotional and behavioral problems. Research has reported that heightened sensitivity in children has been linked to more internalizing problems, such as depression, anxiety, emotion regulation problem, peer relationship difficulties, and physical complaints.

Effects on learning

Often times, teachers and parents may misinterpret a highly sensitive teen’s behaviors as low motivation or attention deficit. Due to their discomfort in participating before strangers or large crowds, they may not express themselves easily or quickly. When teens are high sensation seekers as well, they may easily get bored,  tend to zone out. They are conscientious in nature and may not like losing attention.

High stress level

Without a doubt, other people’s emotional distress could easily affect highly sensitive teens. It is hard for them to differentiate their own feelings from others. Overall, they could put themselves in a vulnerable position as they let stress takes a toll on their mental health.

How to Help your Highly Sensitive Teen to Manage Stress?

1. AWARENESS

First and foremost, knowing and understanding your highly sensitive child is foremost you have to do as a parent. When you are more aware of your teen’s high sensitivity, you do not just see them as “weak”, “a crying baby”, “too shy”, or so anxious. You know your teenager is empathic, caring, and emotionally responsive, conscientious and honest, feels deeply, picks up subtlety that others can’t, has amazing imagination and creativity. You can help your teenager to thrive. 

2. BUILDING UP SELF-ESTEEM

Parenting a highly sensitive teenager is bit more sensitive than with other kids.  Harsh disciplines, scoldings,  and punishment can all create an adverse reality inside your teen’s mind. This in turn could affect their self esteem and cause more stress. Parents could help teens to better accept themselves as well as to use stress management skills. In general, teens do when they have a clear sense of personal competence. 

3. MODELING COPING BEHAVIOR FOR YOUR HIGHLY SENSITIVE TEEN

Research has showed that children tend to use emotion- focused coping. That is to say, rather than problem-focused coping, they like to express emotions, utilize social support, regulate emotional states. As a matter of fact, they still lack cognitive capacity to know if a stressor is manageable or not. In teenage years, they actively learn coping efforts. Thus, parents become the major models of how to cope with stress, such as focusing on self care, setting boundaries, doing exercise, practicing relaxation, and seeking support.

4. TEACHING POSITIVE COPING STRATEGIES

Negative strategies have short-term effects of avoiding or fighting the problems, but in the long run, they usually make things worse and force teens to fall in a vicious cycle. They may include

• emotional bursts,
• suppressing emotions,
• self-criticizing,
• blaming others,
• social withdrawal,
• denial,
• distancing

Typical positive stress management skills may include:

• emotional expression,
• seeking social & informational support,
• self-calming strategies,
• positive thinking,
• cognitive reframing
• acceptance

5. EMOTION REGULATION SKILLS FOR HIGHLY SENSITIVE TEENS

Emotional regulation refers to one’s ability to regulate strong feelings and react appropriately to situations. To cultivate emotion regulation skills, parents can help their highly sensitive teenager to do the following;

• Identify mood states and encourage them to engage in exercises which ease them off from their stress. Mindfulness and breathing exercise have large effects on stress reduction, personal growth, and self- acceptance.
• Validation gives your teenager a sense of acceptance. This can pave the way for accepting themselves. Parents try not to deny or discredit or teach your teenager how to feel. For instance, if your child says “I hate school”, Don’t say, “Do you know how blessed you are to go to school” Instead try this, “It seems like you had a bad day at school. Do you want to talk about it?”
• Reflect back the emotions so that they can gain understanding into their own emotions, pros and cons of it as well.

6. DISCIPLINARY STRATEGIES 

New research has found that punitive and shame-based disciplinary method will have an adverse effect. Apparently punishment may reflect parents’ frustration through their yelling and controlling the teens. However, this could force highly sensitive teenagers to reflect on their “poor choices” with the perception “I am bad”.

On the contrary, experts recommend gentle discipline to parents. Strategies such as giving clear rules and having consistent consequences. Such consequences can very well be positive, for example, give compliments, praise, reward to encourage positive behaviors. 

7. SCHOOL BASED ACTIVITIES

Further, parents can communicate with school teachers and counselors to make sure your teenager’s needs are met at school. Let teachers understand and coordinate accordingly. For example,

• Highly sensitive teens prefer structured lessons, rules and rituals. In situations with more uncertainty, it is important to help them to manage anxiety and maintain balance.
• Highly sensitive teenagers may feel overwhelmed in a school environment with auditory and visual chaos. School teachers can allow teens to step out of such chaotic environment if they have to.
• Have school counselor available if your teenager may need time to calm down or talk.

At Mind Connections, our therapists have great experience working with teens who are highly sensitive. Call us free for 15 minutes and learn about our psychotherapy services to find the best fit for your teenager.

Written by Dr. June Cao