As sad as it can be, we’ve all had a friendship breakup or witnessed a split between two former besties. The media specifically seems to talk a lot about romantic breakups, but friendship breakups seem like they don’t get as much attention. Sometimes the pain of ending a friendship can hurt just as much or even more than losing a partner.

If you have recently experienced a friendship break-up, we hope you are doing well! This time of transition can be quite sad, lonely, and challenging to deal with. Comparatively to a romantic break up, it takes time to heal and move on from this pain! Mind Connections offer support for you in this time and wants to help you through this rough period. Keep reading to learn more!

Why are Friends Important?

Early Development

Making friends is an important part of our lives. Furthermore, humans are social beings and our social support is vital to our well-being. This idea stems from Durkheim, a French sociologist. He believed that positive social connection is a major part of how we successfully navigate the world.

Moreover, it can lead to important developments and learning opportunities in our lives. Notably, according to studies, friendship helps us develop skills, identify virtues, and  even an image of what a good leader looks like. A young child’s ability to make a maintain connections with other kids means a lot – researchers say that this is an important signifier of how they will relate to the world in their adult life.

Studies show that children with a high amount of friends and positive relationships fostered better self-worth. This research also emphasized how important best friends can be to youth. When two participants both considered each other their best friend, reported enhanced quality of their friendships overall.

Teenage Years 

Many teenagers seem attached to their friends by the hip. Having healthy and good friendships with other teens helps the teen with their confidence. As most of us know, being a teen isn’t easy. There are many factors that cause stress for this age group like school stress, puberty, and relationships. The fact that positive teenage friendships improve confidence and belonging in teens is wonderful.

Teen best friends mean a lot to this age group. Think back to your best friend from your teenage years. This friendship was pivotal to your time in high-school, especially the positive peer pressure. Of course, these friendships had their highs and lows. As teenagers, we are learning more and more about communicating our feelings and conflict resolution. Together with the hormonal changes,  most of the high-school drama stems from still being rusty at these practices.

Adult Life to Elderly

It can feel hard to keep in contact as much with our friends as we get older. Work as well as marriages and kids start taking up every inch of people’s schedules. When you can get together, the time is usually relished and appreciated by all.

It is so special to grow old with a friend. You will get to experience each other’s amazing life milestones and grow as people together. Truthfully, I think we all long for a friend that we can rock alongside in our rocking chairs when we are old and grey while reminiscing about the past.

Why Does a Friendship Break-Up Hurt So Much?

With all of this being said, having a close friend can be an amazing experience in life. If these close relationships ended in a best friend break-up, it can be devastating. You start to imagine all the memories, laughs, and special times you had together start to slip away. The person you always turned to becomes the person you turn away from and don’t run over to when you see them in public accidentally one day. Even after years and years that passed, your parents will still ask you, “Have you seen ___ lately? I wonder how they are doing!”

It all is, simply put, heartbreaking. The longer you’ve been friends with someone feels even more hurtful to end. When a friendship of 10 years suddenly comes crashing down, it feels like a decade of your life has been altered. If you are experiencing any of this pain, Mind Connections wants to offer our support and care. It is not easy, but you are strong and will make it through these tough times!

How to Get Over a Friendship Break-up?

First, Feel Your Emotions and Reach Acceptance During your Friendship Break-up. 

Similarly to any breakup, one must go through the emotions they are feeling. As mentioned in our article about romantic breakups, people who lose an important figure in their life, many times, go through the grieving process. 

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross coined 5 stages of grief:

• Denial
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression
• Acceptance

To reach acceptance after a friendship break-up, you have to go through these stages. Be patient and show yourself self-compassion in these times. It can be hard to be honest with yourself and actually embrace what you are feeling. Journaling can be a great way to express your emotions in this time. You don’t have to speak them out loud so it might be easier to translate them through pen and paper.

Finally accepting the loss of your best friend can take some time. When you reach this stage, be proud of the growth and healing you went though. You are stronger from it all!

Second, Use the Friendship Break-up as a Teaching Moment

As much as you may have cared for your friendship, there was a reason it ended. Maybe it was due to bad communication, a huge argument, a betrayal, constant boundary crossing, or just fading from each other’s lives. In your next attempt at making a best friend, think back to this relationship. What was good about it and what was bad? Try to make note of these things and what to avoid/desire in your next close friendship.

Try and appreciate all that you have learned from your friend. Even though the relationship is over, you can still smile at the happy times and memories.

Third, Listen to Your Inner Child

Think of yourself as a child for a second. What kind of friend were they? What kind of friend did they want to have?Think of yourself as a child for a second. When you were a kid, hanging out with your friends was probably one of the main things you looked forward to at school and during the week.

If you feel lost after losing your best friend and worry that things will never get better, remember your inner child! The excitement and happiness you felt seeing your friends at the lunch table will happen again.

Also, think of the simplicity of children’s friendships. All a kid really wants is a friend to have fun with, feel comfortable around, and play games with. This shows that a good friendship doesn’t need to be so complicated. You will be able open up to and be happy with another friend when the time is right in your life.

Fourth, Try not to Gossip

As easy as it can be to fall into, try your best not to spread gossip about your ex-friend. In times when you feel like doing so, remember the happiness you once brought each other. If your friend told you something in private when you were still close, try and respect those secrets too. You wouldn’t want your ex-friend airing out all of your secrets either. Also, remember that you might one day reconcile with this person. Your friend breakup can turn out to only be a friend BREAK. Don’t do anything reckless!

Fifth, Reach Out to Loved Ones

When you lose a friend you were very close to, it can be easy to isolate from others. Remember to appreciate the people you still have in your life. Reach out to them when you are ready and try socializing. Just because a friend isn’t your closest person, doesn’t mean their friendship has less value or meaning. We all have friends that we are close to for different reasons and relate to in varying ways.

Sixth, Boost Self-Esteem 

As highlighted before, friends give kids and teens a sense of security and self-worth. When you lose a friend, you might blame yourself and lose confidence. Remember that no matter what happens in life, you are always enough! Practice self-care and remind yourself of how amazing you truly are.

Some ideas are:

• Having a spa night
• Listing 3 things you like about yourself and 3 ways you make a good friend
• Getting enough sleep, nutritious food, and water in your days
• Exercising and getting your body moving to produce good-feeling chemicals
• Laughing at a funny movie or comedy skit

Seventh, Seek New Perspective, a Friendship Breakup or a Break?

Sometimes a friendship breakup may be misinterpreted, that is, it actually may just be a friendship break. When friendship hits pause, it does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. “A friendship break allows both friends to take a deep breath, reassess the situation and see if they even miss each other during the cooling off period,” says sociologist Jan Yager. In other words, the break is temporary. After friends separate for some time, it is still possible to reunite one day. 

With that in mind, you want to take this hiatus as a time to focus on yourself before you may reconnect with your friend. Truth be told, it can be helpful to talk things out before you take a break. Let’s face it, there might be betrayal, hurt, or boundary crossing, but there might also be misunderstanding or miscommunication.

You never know when your paths could cross again. If you rekindle your relationship it can end up being even stronger – you two survived the many disappointments and crisis. Even if your friendship ends in a true break-up, at least you can feel relief that you have no regret. This makes it easier to accept the reality because you have done your best.

Eighth, Go to Therapy

If you are really struggling with a best friend break up, therapy can help. A therapist can help you repair your self-worth, work on any depression/anxiety you are facing, and give you hope that good friends are out there.

Some therapy for Friendship Break-up

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): therapy that can help you reframe your negative thoughts and alter your thought patterns to be more positive.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): therapy that helps people accept what is going on in their life and find peace with their situation. This therapy model helps clients practice mindfulness and tune into the present moment.

Mind Connections offer online therapy for anyone grieving or looking for support. Call now for a FREE 15-minute consultation. 

Content Creator, Victoria Gallo; Reviewed by Dr. June Cao