Self-love is not selfish. You cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself. ~ Anonymous

Self-love and self-compassion involves valuing your own happiness and putting your physical, emotional and mental well-being first. When you can accept yourself non-judgmentally, support yourself unconditionally, and care for yourself regardless, you grasp one of the most powerful tools to live a happy life.

How do you know you truly love yourself and have enough self-compassion? A typical example is to see how you react when you have a hard time, made a mistake, or fail something. Self-love means you are as kind and caring to yourself as you do to your friends. You use soft tone to comfort yourself rather than calling yourself names like “What a loser”, “I am so stupid”. 

What are the benefits of self-love and self-compassion?

First of all, why is self love important? Self-love motivates you to make healthy choices in life. When you hold yourself in high esteem, you’re more likely to choose things that nurture yourself and serve you well. This in turn helps to keep your wellbeing in check. 

You can also cultivate self-love and self-compassion to reduce stress,  anxiety, depression, and body image issue. With self-love and self-compassion, chances are you may stop comparing yourself to others, you learn to be more confident, more resilient in hard times, feel more secure about yourself, able to set boundaries, and maintain a healthy relationship. 

Write a letter of self-love and self-compassion

Writing a love letter to yourself can be an excellent tool to empower yourself especially during difficult times. A few points to remember when you write this letter.

1. Find a safe place and get ready to open your heart for self-affirmation. Show awareness of your difficulty or struggle. You might say “I know things haven’t been easy for you”, “I see that you are having a hard time”, or “Sorry that you are going through a lot”. 

2. Use unconditional love and support. Think about what you love about yourself, what makes you special, and all the little details that make you unique and worthy. If you find it difficult to identify anything for you to love yourself, imagine you are writing this letter to your best friend. You may find it much easier to say something kind and compassionate to a friend. You can be your best friend then.

Show yourself empathy, understanding, kindness, and support. Normalize your thoughts and feelings when you face any stress. It is simply human to want to engage in safety behaviors and to try to take away your fear, or shame, or sadness. Realizing that you are just trying to protect yourself and make the best out of a difficult situation.

3. Read your love letter as many times as you need. Writing is step one, reading it will continue to empower you with strengths, tender love, and kindness to yourself. Identifying all your amazing qualities and repeating them to yourself reminds you of your true self. Similar to repeat positive affirmations, reading your letter again and again helps to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. It serves the purpose for you to believe in yourself and make positive changes. 

An Example of a love letter to yourself

Here is an example of a letter for self-love and self-compassion.

My dearest you,

I know you are going through a lot. It is not easy for you at all. I know you feel tired and scared at times. You are not a superman, it is ok to feel how you feel. 

I seldom tell you how much I admire you, how beautiful and caring and intelligent and strong you are, that you are my hero!

I want to hug you, praise you, cherish you, and appreciate you for the incredible person that you are, for all the beauty and life you bring to this world!

I want to be there for you, I want to take good care of you, I want to fight for you, I want to protect you, and I want to accept you for who you are! 

Please, do not care what others think, do not be afraid to be different, do not be ashamed of who you are.

You do not need others’ approval, love, or friendship to be whole.

You are enough!

You are worthy!

You are unique!

You are beautiful!

You are great!

You deserve the best!

You matter!

You are allowed to say NO!

I believe in you, and,

I love you!

Love Forever,

Me

Written by Dr. June Cao